Dry Ice Billie Joe Armstrong Fanfiction
by MrsArmstrong123
Summary: A romance / drama fanfiction involving singer Billie Joe Armstrong Green Day .
1. Chapter 1

**BASIC INFO:**

**Current Date: **May 14th, 1990

**Full Name: **Ann Rellington

**Age:** 17

**Date**** of Birth:** October 19th, 1972

**Looks:** Long, dark brown hair, green eyes. About 49 kg, »hourglass shapped«

**Personality:** At first impression she may seem as a very closed up and shy person, but once her trust is earned, she is open, fun and entertaining. She doesn't care very much about the oppinons of others and lives life her own way and does what she feels like doing.

**Basic Bio: **4 years ago she moved to Oakland, California, with her parents, John and Claire. Has many friends in high school and maintains pretty good grades. Is single and is perfectly comfortable with that. In her free time, she plays guitar and writes songs.

**PART ONE**

Another day of senior year. Everyone was walking around in the hallways, trying to get ready for the next period. I was just heading towards the chemistry classroom, when I bumped into something. Or someone. I didn't even see them. All my things fell down and I quickly began to pick them up. "Oh, hi, Annie. Sorry 'bout that." That voice sounded familiar. The mysterious someone knelt down to her and helped me pick up the rest of my things. When I reached for a notebook, our hands caught, just for a split second. Only then I bothered to look up. It only took a moment to realize, who was standing before me. Billie Joe Armstrong, a.k.a. Mr. I'm So Full of Myself. "To think I actually thought someone was trying to be nice." He stared at me and I could read his face – he was faking hurt feelings, obviously. "Oh, so that means it's impossible for me to be nice?" He was so confident in his own stupidity. "Yes, that's _exactly_ what I was trying to say. Now fuck off, Armstrong. I'm trying to get to class here." But instead of backing off, he stood right in front of me, blocking the way. He was still staring me down and it was beginning to irritate me. "You know, I never asked, what's so wrong with me – in your opinion?" He was still in my way and it seemed quite clear, that he wasn't going to move until he gets an answer. "The fact that you're an arrogant, self-centered, over confident, stuck up idiot?" He smiled, sort of playfully. "Interesting. But you know, I've always had a bit of a soft spot for you." If that were true, I could imagine why – I was the only girl around who was able to resist Billie Joe. Everyone else fantasized about him endlessly. I was the one he couldn't get, like he'd gotten all the others. Which is why I was sort of a challenge. If he'd get his way with me, he could with anyone on the planet – that's what the school gossips used to say. "The only weak spot I have for you is my stomach – you can't imagine how hard it is for me not to throw up when I'm close to you. There, you've gotten my answer, now can you please go on with your meaningless life and leave me alone?" He laughed, again. He really didn't realize his charms or whatever he calls that, don't work with me. "I love it when you play heard to get." He finally got out of the way and walked down the hallway, still laughing at his own pointless humor. I hurried to the classroom, just before the lesson started. I didn't know why, but I couldn't stay focused, even for a second. What disgusted me the most, was that the main thing on my mind was my conversation with Billie Joe. I still detested everything about him with all my power, but somehow I couldn't get my mind of him. I felt a sort of anger and unimaginable dislike. Maybe it was just the fact, that I hated him so much it had begun to drive me crazy.


	2. Chapter 2

**PART TWO**

I couldn't get anything out of chemistry. Before I noticed, class was over. I headed to my locker, to get my books, and there he was. Dressed in his usual jeans and black tee. I didn't even know why I noticed that. I rushed right over, ready to shout at him again. "Back so soon? I knew you couldn't resist me." I rolled my eyes and shot an angry look right in his eyes. "_You're_ the one standing in front of _my_ locker. And as I remember, I asked you to leave me alone. Do you never listen to people?" He leaned his head to the left and stared at me. I hated it when he did that. But then again, was there anything I actually _didn't_ hate about him?

"What if I just wanted to see you again?" How was it possible for one guy to think so much of himself? "So you really think you're so irresistible?" "To be honest, I _know_ I am. And I only wanted to ask you something." Billie Joe Armstrong wanted to ask me something? Something sure as hell was wrong with that. "What do you want?" He stood up straight, like he was trying to focus. "So, are you…like, you know…single?" What the…? This guy has issues. Serious issues. "What the hell is your problem, Armstrong? That's none of your business. And besides, so what if I _was_ single? It's not like you'd ask me out. And it's not like I'd go out with someone like you." He just stood there, perfectly calm, while I was getting more and more angry. "You didn't exactly answer my question. And what were you trying to say by "someone like me"?"

"God, you sure do ask a lot of questions. When I said "someone like you," I meant such a man-whore like yourself. And no, I'm not single. Happy now?" He giggled, still not loosing even a bit of his stone hard confidence. "Man-whore? Well, that's something I don't hear every day. Who's your guy, Rellington?" How could he ask such a personal question, like it was nothing? He must have been sure I was making the whole thing up. "Josh Hudson. And I have no idea why I just told you that." He cracked in laughter, as if I told a joke. "Hudson? That blond guy on the basketball team? Could you have picked someone that was less your type?" He was laughing so hard, he was almost rolling on the floor. I was so shocked I could hardly breathe. "Oh, so now you're telling me you know what "my type" is?" He somehow found a way to squeeze words in, between laughs . "Well, you don't exactly give the impression of falling for the good little mommy's boys." "Okay, this conversation is over. You're not even talking to me for an hour, and you think you know me. You don't know me. And I'm leaving now, so get out of the way." As I was trying to get pass him, he stepped right in front of me again. I was getting mad. "Okay, what the hell? Get the fuck away from me, Billie Joe." He took a step forward and I took a step back. "So you really do hate me _that much? _So much, that you can't even stand my presence?" I noticed that he wasn't as relaxed as before, when he asked that. But it still didn't seem like he cares about the answer. "I think I've made that pretty clear. I can't stand your presence, or anything else that involves you. Now would you get out of my way, before I do something stupid, like beat the shit out of you?" He raised his hands in an "I give up" kind of way. He finally stepped away and I walked pass him. I almost thought he was going to leave me alone, but that wasn't him. He didn't just leave people alone. "Did you know that hate is the closest emotion to love? It's the most passionate." I could feel his eyes on my back, but I didn't turn around.

He didn't exist for me until this day and there is no reason why the rest of forever should be any different.


	3. Chapter 3

**PART THREE**

_Billie Joe's Point of View_

She walked pass me, down the hallway.

I shouted something after her, but regretted it the next second. But why did I even care anyway? She hates me and I know nothing about her. Why did I even bother getting in her way and talking to her? Well, I talked, she shouted. Maybe it was because she was different. She isn't like the others; she really doesn't give a damn about what I think or what anyone else thinks. She's just who she is and so far she hasn't let anyone change that. Maybe I was trying to see if she was going to crack under my pressure, let her beliefs and principals go, as all the other girls before her. But she clearly wasn't going to do anything like that. She stands strong on her own two feet and doesn't let anyone destroy her balance. That's something I can never do. And maybe I admired her for that, just a little bit.

What am I saying? And why am I still here? Why am I standing in the middle of the hallway, looking like an idiot, thinking about someone I'd talked to for the first time ever just today? I must be crazy or something. I ran down the hallway, found my car outside and drove home. Mike had the day off and Tre had no job anyway, so we were all home for the rest of the day. I walked in, let out a quiet "Hey" to the guys, went upstairs to my room and locked the door behind me. "What's up with him?" I could hear Tre asking Mike. I threw myself on the bed and stared at the ceiling for a few minutes. There were so many questions in my head. And the worst part of it all was that I was the only one that could ever answer them. But right now I was too freaked out to think. I jumped up again, grabbed Blue and went out again, with only a brief "Bye" to Mike and Tre. I just walled around for an hour, then sat down in the middle of some meadow. I started playing some chords, when I heard something. It was a guitar playing and it wasn't Blue. The melody of the song was calming me down, and before I could notice it began to get dark. I got up and walked around for a bit. I could still hear the melody of the guitar, but I didn't bother to look around and see who was playing. Rapped up in my own thoughts I tripped over something. And then I realized I tripped over _someone_. "What the…?" And there she was. Right underneath me. What a damn coincidence, that she was right there, right at the time, and I fell over her in the most provoking position. She stared at me in shock. I felt as if her green eyes were reading every thought in my mind. But she didn't say anything. So maybe I had to. "So, you enjoying this?" Probably the worst thing I could say in the situation, but I was so surprised, I could hardly speak. "You realize that I have the best chance in the world of hurting you in the most painful way possible, right?" Even after that, none of us moved even for a bit. I still had no idea why. "Would you, please, get off of me? Or do I have to make you?" I had so many questions in my head, I could barely focus. "Yeah. I guess that's what I should do." And so I rolled off her. I probably should have run away, but for some reason I sat right beside her. "Let's just pretend this little incident never happened, okay?" Oh, that's right. I'm back to reality and in reality she hates me. Perfect. "Fine. So, what're you doing here? I usually don't meet anyone around here."

That was probably a pretty daring question to ask someone who hates me more than anything in the world. But hey, boundaries are to be pushed, aren't they?


	4. Chapter 4

**PART ****FOUR**

_Ann's Point of View_

"You dyed your hair." I pretended I didn't hear his question. And I had really just noticed that his usual blond hair was now black. It looked good on him. Black made his eyes even more noticeable. Now it was even harder not to stare at him. But I never had that problem. After all, I hate him. I had no idea why I had to keep reminding myself that.

He smiled, just for a second. It was almost as though he was waiting for me to say just that. "I'm surprised you noticed. Didn't really answer my question though."

I could feel my cheeks turning red. Why was this happening now? I've _never_ blushed before, so why did I have to blush now, in front of him? He's probably going to laugh to death. "Do I make you blush?" He had no trace of laughter in his voice. It surprised me to see him taking this…well, sort of seriously. "Yeah, right. You wish." I turned away, so he couldn't see my face. "Well, if I'm not mistaken, that's red on your cheeks, isn't it?" Before I could deny that, he turned my face towards him – he touched me. I didn't know what to do, but one thing was certain – I was disgusted. I couldn't stop myself and so I slapped him on the cheek. "Ouch! What the hell was that for?" He looked shocked, but I could see the corners of his mouth going in to the beginning of a smile. "Don't you ever, _ever_ dare touch me again!" I caught myself screaming. _Very_ loud. But hey, he deserved it! "_That's_ why you're freaking out? Geez. I'd say I'm sorry, but that'd be lying." I was still staring at him. How could he just take this so…easily? As if it was the most normal thing in the world. "You know what? I'm not going to discuss this with you any more. In fact, I don't even know why I'm talking to you about anything. I kept my mouth shut for four years now, and there's no reason why that should change now. So I'm leaving. And Armstrong, I'd appreciate it, if you left me alone."

I got up, ready to get out of here, when he grabbed my wrist and pulled me down again. I took a gasp of air to yell at him again, but before I could, he began talking again, "I really don't see what the big deal is. Maybe I just wanted to touch you? But you know what, never mind. I still don't know what you're doing here, and it's been a while since I've asked you that."

For the sake of my own sanity, I decited not to mind the first part. "You know, this isn't the first time I'm here. I come around a lot. I like it here. But hey, if coming here means running into you, you can believe me - I won't be around." I was being rude, but he deserved all the rudeness in the world. "Oh, and by "running into me" you mean me landing on top of you like earlier?" He was looking directly into my eyes as he said every single word. I turned away from him, trying to hide my burning cheeks again. "Are you always so annoying? And you don't have to answer that. I know that you are." I could still feel his eyes inspecting my face. I'm sure he noticed me blushing, but at least he was human enough to not say anything this time. "This whole thing's pretty amusing, don't you think? You hate me _so_ much, but you're still sitting here, talking to me and taking the time to tell me how annoying I am."

I shot a glare at him. If my eyes could shoot bullets, he'd be dead now. "Yeah, you're so right. And just to remind you – I was leaving earlier, but you made me stay. So now I'm finishing what I've started and getting as far away from you as I possibly can." I stood up and began to walk away. He ran after me and pulled me back grabbing my waist. We weren't as far away from each other as I'd prefer. "Why do you run away all the time? Isn't this like letting me win? Where's your rebellion?" It seemed as if he was closer to me with every word. And I only noticed just now, he was holding my hand. "Leave me alone, Billie Joe. I've gotta go…"

"I love the way you say my name. You should say it more often." He was still getting closer and closer. Our noses were nearly touching. I raised my voice. "Get lost, Armstrong! Don't you have some blonde to be jumping over?" I got my hand out of his grip and walked away as fast as I could.

"I prefer brunettes!" I stopped for a moment, but didn't turn at him.

"Come to Rod's on Friday. We've got a gig there, I bet you'd love our music!"

I couldn't believe he was still talking to me, even though I was pretty far away from him. I had no idea why, but the invitation sounded interesting. I knew he had a band, everyone talked about their gigs every Monday. So I guess they weren't so bad. Maybe I'll go and listen to them. Maybe they won't totally suck. Or if they will, I'll just have one more reason not to be around him. I guess I just made plans for this Friday!


	5. Chapter 5

**PART ****FIVE**

I opened the door and walked in. "Anyone home?" I asked, and then I heard steps coming down the stairs. "Hi Annie. Josh's waiting in your room." My mom smiled brightly at me and gave me a hug. She was always extra happy when Josh was around. Oh, Josh. I haven't seen him in ages. I quickly ran up the stairs into my room. "Hey, beautiful." Josh stood up from my bed and hugged me. "I didn't know you talk to yourself." I looked deep in his sky blue eyes and kissed him softly. It was good to be around someone normal, after that stressful argument....was it an argument? Okay, conversation with Billie Joe. But I really didn't want to think about that now. I'm with Josh now. "I missed you." He blessed me with one of his smiles. I could hardly feel the ground beneath my feet. "Yeah, I missed you too. It's been forever since I last saw you." He took my hand and walked to my bed. We laid down and continued our little chat. I loved it when we talked about little things. Josh was so simple. A nice change from my usual complicated life. "So, any plans for this weekend?" He began playing with my hair and I smiled. "Nah, not really. I'll probably just have another weekend of being lazy." I left out the part about going to Rod's on Friday. I wasn't even sure if I was going to go yet. And even if I was going, Josh didn't really have to know. "You wanna do something? I mean, you and me. We could go somewhere…or something." Doing something with Josh meant no Rod's. But hey, who gives a damn about Billie Joe's band? I should just have a nice, non-stressful time with my normal boyfriend. "I'd love that. Where do you wanna go?"

"It's a surprise. And don't give me the puppy-eyes thing, it won't work." I made a move, as if I was going to punch him in the stomach, but instead I just laughed. "Oh pleeeease, tell me! You know I hate surprises, they make it hard to sleep at night." He giggled. "Well, Friday's tomorrow, so you won't go in agony for long. But I'm really not gonna tell you until we get there. All I'm saying is, I bet you'll love it." I grinned, but smiled at him the next second. It was impossible to stay mad at Josh. "Fine. Let's say I'll let you get away with a surprise. But just this once."

After a while, Josh left and I got into bed. I had a terrible headache from everything that happened today. The stress in school, not being able to concentrate, that…whatever that was with Billie Joe… Billie Joe. Why couldn't I get my mind off of him? There was something about him, today in the meadow. The part before I left, when he…it was weird to think of it…held my hand. I'm pretty good at observing people and reading emotions from their faces, and today there was something in his eyes, that I'd never seen before. And I've looked in his eyes a lot; he just didn't know that, hopefully.

All these thoughts put me to sleep. When I woke up, the sun was shining outside. It was the middle of May, so it was getting warmer by the day. I liked warm weather. Rain always bored me to death. I got up, put on my Operation Ivy shirt and dark jeans and topped it of with my favorite plain black Converse shoes. I went downstairs and quickly ate some breakfast. Both mom and dad were already at work. I grabbed my bag, ran through the door and locked it behind me. I drove to school in my old red ford. This car was like my best friend. Sometimes I even talked to it.

Class went by normally. I could stay concentrated today, because nothing had freaked me out. When I got home again, I could only wait for evening to come. At about six o'clock, I started getting ready. I didn't like the whole "surprise" thing Josh was planning for me. I had no idea what to wear, because I had no idea where we were going. So I just put on some tight blue jeans that I thought I looked good in and a short – sleeved red t-shirt. "I don't dance, but we can do shots" was written on it, and that's why it was one of my favorites. I also put on my usual makeup, black mascara and eyeliner. I combed my hair and so time went by. Soon, Josh came to pick me up. "You look amazing." That was the first thing he said, when he walked through the door. "You must be blind." He opened the door of his car for me. "What a gentleman." I giggled and sat in his black BMW. "So you're still not telling me where we're going?"

"You'll see when we get there." He replied, knowing that he was making me nervous. Where could he be taking me?


	6. Chapter 6

**PART ****SIX**

The drive didn't last long. My heart stopped when Josh took a turn and we ended up at a parking lot. The parking lot in front of Rod's Hickory Pit. I could hardly breathe.

"I heard there's this good band playing here. I thought you might like it." It almost sounded like Josh was trying to apologize. He probably saw the look on my face. "Annie, what's wrong?" He looked worried when he saw my hands shaking. "No. Everything's fine." I faked a smile, just to make him feel better. "What's the name of the band?" He looked relieved, but I still didn't think he believed me completely. "Green Day. Ex Sweet Children. Changed their name or something."

Sweet Children. Yes. Damn it. It was Armstrong's band. He was going to laugh in my face because I actually showed up. Or maybe he won't notice me? Of course he won't notice me! I'm totally unnoticeable, nothing special. At times like this, that was a good thing. "Wanna go inside? Or if you don't like it here…We could go somewhere else. I'm such an ass. I knew you hate surprises. I should have told you. And now this sucks. Damn it!" Oh, no. I made him feel guilty. He was looking forward to tonight. And so was I, until we got here. I can't break his happiness. Billie Joe won't even notice me. Or even if he does notice me, who gives a fuck? "No! Josh! This is great. I just thought I knew them from somewhere. Everything's fine. Let's go in." He was still in doubt, I could see it. "You sure?" I couldn't help but smile at him. He was so worried it was getting funny. "Yes, I'm sure. Stop panicking, I'm fine. Really, Joshy." He smiled brightly. It was like a stone fell from his heart, he was glowing again. He was so happy he didn't even notice I used the nickname he didn't like.

We got out of his car and he squeezed my hand in a "be brave" sort of way. "You're going to be suspicious all evening, aren't you?" "I just want you to have a good time. As long as you do that, everything's fine with me." He just wants me to have a good time? Damn, I must be the luckiest person alive to have someone care about me like I know Josh cares. We finally opened the door and got in. The band was just getting started. I didn't see…_him_ anywhere. For now. Who cares if I see him or not? The only thing I have for him is a punch in the face.

"Hey, Hudson!" I heard someone calling Josh. "Phillips? What the hell, man? You're probably the last person I expected to see here." I saw Sam Phillips and some other guys from Josh's basketball team sitting by the counter. "Annie, I'll just go and catch a drink with the guys, okay? I'll be right back. Try to have fun, dance or something. If you need me, I'm over here." He was still looking after me, as if I was going to trip and fall any second. "Sure, hon. I'll be fine, you really don't have to worry." He smiled and kissed me softly. Then he went to the counter and started talking to the guys. I guess I'll listen to the music or something. I walked forward, closer to the stage, but still got behind some people, so I was probably hard to see from the stage. Damn, I'm paranoid now. I really need to stop thinking about all that.

On the stage, a short guy with high hair walked over to the microphone. "Hey everyone. My name's Tre and I kind of play the drums around here…" He looked pretty nervous. A guy from the crowd asked "How can you "kind of play the drums," man?" He was embarrassed now. "Well, anyhow, we're kind of gonna be starting late. Our singer's kind of…. Well, we kind of don't know where he is." Singer? That was probably Armstrong. "But he's probably going to show up soon. He probably got delayed somewhere. Or maybe he's just found a blonde and is having some fun." My thoughts exactly. "Well, I'm kind of gonna stop talking now." Tre ran of stage and everyone in the place laughed. He says "kind of" a lot.

I leaned on the wall and looked around a bit. Before I could notice, someone was standing in front of me. He showed up so fast I didn't even see who he was, until he opened his mouth.

"You came." It only took those two words to realize who was there. And then I looked at his face and everything was clear. Fuck. "Thanks…for…showing up." He looked embarrassed and proud of himself at the same time. "Yeah. Well, I didn't really have a choice." He giggled. "Yeah, I bet someone held a gun to your head and made you come here. You wanted to see me…I mean, us play." I looked at him in disbelief. He really thought I was here for him? "Do I really have to remind you, that to me you're the most insignificant being on the planet? I'm not here because of you or your band. I'm here with Josh." The sparkle in his eyes was gone. I probably killed a bit of his confidence. "Who's Josh? Oh, you mean Hudson?" He looked at the ground when he said his name. I had no idea why. "Yeah, Josh Hudson, my _boyfriend._ I didn't know this was a police interrogation." He smiled at me and the glow in his eyes was back. Warning, too high ego level! "Well, your _boyfriend_ looks pretty drunk to me. He must really be having a great time with his friends." He pointed at the counter where Josh and his friends were sitting. They were laughing out loud, hugging each other and doing shots. Perfect. I rolled my eyes. And he noticed. "He bores you." I stared at him. What was he trying to say? "He bores you to death. He's so classic. Blonde-haired, blue-eyed jock that plays basketball and drinks cheap beer with his friends. In other words, boring. You want excitement, fun, freedom, adventure, adrenaline. He's not any of those things. He bores you."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I felt myself burning up in anger inside. My hands started shaking and I snapped. "Who do you think you are?!" I yelled at him louder, than I've ever yelled before. But he just seemed calm; none of this was freaking him out. "You don't know anything about me, Josh or our relationship!" I was so angry I could scream endlessly. "I love Josh! Of course you can't understand that, because you don't care about anyone but yourself! You're just a selfish, arrogant…" His lips crashed on to mine. I could feel my head spin and my thoughts go to nowhere. Suddenly he had me in his embrace with one hand around my waist and the other on my back. He pushed me against the wall and got closer to me, pressuring his lips to mine with such force, that I could barely breathe. I couldn't think straight. Actually, I couldn't think at all.

And then it hit me. I realized what was going on and pushed him away with all my strength. He hardly moved at all. Looking straight in to my eyes he ran his hand down my cheek and neck. I was completely paralyzed. I couldn't move any part of my body. I couldn't scream as loud as I wanted to. He got closer to me again and whispered in my ear. "That's how much I care." Then he stepped away and walked off, probably to the backstage. I couldn't feel or hear anything but the screaming thoughts in my head.


	7. Chapter 7

**PART ****SEVEN**

_Billie Joe's Point of View_

I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes. _What the hell just happened?_

I have no idea what I just did. What's going on in my head? Or should I ask about my heart? What am I feeling?

I had a flashback. She was yelling at me. Then I did the worst thing I could've done. What the hell was I thinking? Why did I do that? Why did I even invite her here or talk to her that day in the meadow? What was there about her that made it impossible for me to stay away? What made me doubt about her hating me? God, I wish I knew what she's thinking right now, what she's feeling. Is her mind screaming as loud as mine?

I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself. I remember seeing her on the first day of freshman year. She was terrified, because she just moved here. She walked around the hallways completely lost, looking so innocent. And…_beautiful_. I never dared to think of her that way intentionally. I and a bunch of other assholes set her locker on fire. I can't believe I did that. All her stuff got burned, some of it was pretty important to her. She hates me ever since. And then the others told her more about me and what a total shit I am and she hated me even more. I topped that off with being a total bitch to her for the passed four years. Only because I didn't have the courage to tell her. I really did fall for her on day one. I couldn't even admit it to myself until now. But it's gotten to the point, where it's impossible for me not to be around her. For as cheesy as that sounds, she's like air to me. Right now I want to run back out there and tell her everything I feel. But I blew everything earlier. She probably loathes the sight of me even more than before. I guess all that's left for me is the memory of today. The one time I had her in my arms. The first and last time I could run my finger through her soft hair. The most beautiful mistake of my life – I felt her heart beat next to mine. And the sweetest of all, the taste of her lips.

Now the dream's over and I'm back to reality. Back in this empty world without real meaning, because she – the only reason of my existence – can't bare to be in my presence. I might as well die and go to hell. It can't be worse than living this nightmare. I can't believe it took me this long to realize – nothing's really worth doing when I've ruined every possibility of ever getting close to her.

I was awaken from my self – pity by Mike. "Man, where the hell've you been? We were supposed to start like an hour ago, let's go! Damn it! With all this shit going on I forgot the reason I'm here in the first place. "Yeah. Yeah, we should…start." This whole gig's probably gonna be the worst thing ever. I won't be able to concentrate, that's for sure. But she's probably already left, so at least I won't have to keep myself from staring at her. I ran after Mike to the stage and strapped on my guitar. I played and sang the first song without real effort, Mike and Tre lifted the whole act up. But then I saw her. She was still there, in the crowd. From the second I saw her I couldn't look anywhere else, even if I tried. It was as if she was the only one in the room. She was the only one I wanted to sing for. I didn't hear or see anyone but her. I looked in her eyes the whole time. And she was looking at me. It wasn't just my imagination or the fact that I hopelessly wanted to believe it – she really was looking directly at me. She didn't look away, even for a second. We basically stared at each other the whole song. The only problem was that I couldn't see anything in her eyes. I couldn't see what she was feeling

We finished playing and got off stage. "Well, that didn't totally suck." Mike was always the optimistic one. "Man, who's that chick you were staring at?" And Tre was always the curious one. Often too curious for his own good. "None of your fucking business, Tre." I blew him off quickly. I wasn't in the mood for his interrogating. "Fine. But you should still go talk to her." I rolled my eyes. "She hates me. And anyway, she has…a boyfriend." I said that last word in a bitter tone. "Didn't look like she hates you to me. She didn't take her eyes off you for a second." He was really starting to irritate me. "Knock it the fuck off, will you? Seriously man, she hates me. Believe me." Tre shrugged. "Shots, Bill?" Alcohol didn't seem like a good idea right now. It would probably just make things worse. I'd get drunk and spill my guts to the guys. I didn't want to do that. "Nah, thanks Mike. I think I'll just walk home. Take my car when you leave, okay?" Mike looked surprised. "Sure. Where're you going?" He was always the one to worry about me and Tre. The psychiatrist of the house in many ways. "I don't know yet. But don't wait for me. I don't know when I'll be home."

With that I walked off. I didn't look back, but if I can imagine what I'd see if I would – Mike's worried face and Tre getting tipsy. Right now I just needed to be alone with my own thoughts for a while.


	8. Chapter 8

**PART ****EIGHT**

I walked around without a real goal. I didn't know how really it felt to be lost until now. I had nowhere to go. Well, I could go home, but what would that mean? Just another sleepless night. My feet let me to that meadow again. I was overflown with memories of that day. It was the first time I held her hand. Even though she didn't want that. I smiled at my own thoughts. These little things never mattered before. She changed everything.

In the distance I saw something. Someone was sitting in the grass. I was probably just seeing things. An unknown force made me move. Before I could stop myself, or even notice, I wasn't far away. It was a warm night, summer was near. The moon was shining and the wind was playing with her hair. I felt my heart skip a beat. Are my eyes seeing right? Was that really her, right in front of me? I had to see. Everything inside me wanted to know. I walked closer and quietly sat beside her. _What the hell am I doing?_

"Haven't you had enough?" What? She noticed me? She's talking to me? "I…I…" I couldn't say a word. I was too charmed by her presence. She looked right at me, her eyes were red. She's been crying. "Can't you just…" Her voice cracked and tears ran down her cheeks. "What's wrong?" She looked crushed. What was going on? My question caused a flood of tears. I couldn't understand much of what she was telling me, but I got the point. "Josh…leaving…Washington…college." It was because of him. He made her cry. Right now I wanted to break every bone in his body. "He's going to Washington so he can go to college?" She put her hands on her head. She couldn't believe it herself. "He's leaving after graduation. That's why he brought me to Rod's tonight. To…tell me." She was looking ahead, in to nowhere. She was just as lost as I was. She had nothing without him like I had nothing without her. We were both in hopeless dead – end streets. "So what did you do?" She looked like she needed a conversation. And frankly, so did I. "Nothing. I left without saying a word. He knows how this is for me. I know he does." Her voice was weak; I knew she wasn't far away from more tears. I felt terrible, because there was nothing I could do to make it better for her. "If it's any consolation – it's been a pretty shitty day for me too." I never thought we'd have this conversation. It was like we put all our differences and all the hatred aside. Every moment of it was beautiful to me. "Well, it couldn't have been totally screwed. Your gig was great." She just said something I did was great? I think we're actually making progress here. "We can do a lot better than we did tonight." She smiled. Her mind was off all the shit that happened. "I never would've guessed you're a singer. You guys have amazing lyrics, too." Now I smiled. I didn't think she even paid attention to the lyrics. "Thanks. I sort of do the writing." She looked at me with her eyes wide open. "You wrote that?" She really was surprised. Maybe she thought I was to shallow to write stuff. "Yeah. You know, I'm not some monster without a soul. Even though I like tequila." She giggled. I think this is the first time she ever smiled to something I said. And she was so beautiful when she smiled. There was always this glow of happiness in her eyes.

"I should probably get going." _No._ That was the first thought that went through my mind. This was the first time we've actually communicated like human beings. I wasn't ready to let go yet. What if tomorrow she wakes up and hates me again? "Where's the rush?" She moved away and I saw red go to her cheeks. "I don't know about you, but this is weird for me." I couldn't help but stare at her words. "Why?" I was living for the moment and she thought this was weird? That couldn't be good. "I don't know. It's just…I've never actually talked to you without screaming. And I'm not sure if I want that. You know you're not my favorite person." She got up and as soon as she did, do did I. I needed to keep her from leaving, just for a few minutes. I still wanted her to be around. "Don't you ever get tired of all that shit? Don't you ever ask yourself, why don't you just forgive me for the shit I did _four years ago_? Is that even a real reason to hate me?" She looked at me and I could see the doubt in her eyes. "Isn't it just a waste of time and energy, to hate me? Do you even _want_ to hate me?" She looked down and shook her head. "Billie Joe, I really need to…" She still wanted to leave. She was running away. I stepped closer to her. I couldn't stop myself from taking her hands. "I know you could never think of me as someone close to you. But don't hate me. I don't want you to. I don't expect your friendship. I don't expect anything. I'm just asking you not to hate me. Don't talk to me, ignore me, whatever – just please, don't hate me. Please."


	9. Chapter 9

**PART ****NINE**

My heart was speeding. I held on to her hand with my life. All I could think about is how much I wanted her to stay. "You didn't care about me for four years. It's always been this way and none of us cared. What's changed now?" Couldn't she see? Everything's different. "I always cared. But I couldn't tell you, because you can't stand the sight of me. But you know what? I don't care about that anymore. I just wanted you to know." She looked down and shook her head, probably to try and gather her thoughts. But she didn't make me let go of her hands. I still held her tight. "Wanted me to know _what_, Billie Joe?" She still didn't understand? Could I be any more obvious? "I'm _in love with you_, Ann."

There, I said it. Now she knows. There's nothing else for me to do. "I have to go. Just…leave me alone. Please." She tried to free her hands from mine, but I didn't let go. "Don't leave me hanging like this. Say something. Anything." I couldn't let her leave now. Not like this. I just spilled my deepest feelings to her and she wanted to leave without a word. I couldn't bare that. "What am I supposed to say? I…I…" _This is the part when you say "I love you too." _The thought of the impossible went through my mind. It was foolish of me to expect a response from her. It was stupid of me to even open my mouth in the first place. I let go of her hands. There was nothing I could do. "I'm sorry." I took a step back. I really fucked up now. "I…I…I'm sorry too." I looked up and saw her with tears in her eyes. I could practically feel the chaos and confusion in her mind. What was she sorry for? I'm the one that ruined every fucking thing. "You did nothing wrong. I was the one that was stupid enough to…to say what I said." I could hear her deep breathing. She was trying to calm down, not quite successfully. "Don't. Don't do this to yourself. It's not worth feeling guilty over something like this." She was giving me her sympathy? As if I have some sort of disease. I stepped closer again. Maybe too close, but I didn't care. "I don't want your sympathy. This isn't something that's just gonna go away one day. Believe me, I've tried." She didn't move away. She stayed right there, so close to me. I could hardly hold myself back. "I…Josh. We…" I knew what she was trying to say. "Yeah, I've noticed. You love him." She sounded like she was apologizing. It only made me feel more pathetic. "Yeah. I do." I wanted to freak out. I felt anger and aggression grow inside me. I spoke with a rougher voice. "You love him even though he's leaving you." I could see she noticed the change in my voice. She looked almost afraid. "He's leaving to go to college. College is everything he's ever wanted. Whether we were together or not, his goal was always college. I don't expect him to give his dream up for me. I'm not worth such a sacrifice." I couldn't control myself any longer. She was under appreciating herself and that was more than I could take. I grabbed her arm with one hand and put the other one on her cheek. "If he'd leave you for college…maybe he's the one that's not worth a fight.

I lost myself in her eyes. Everything about her made me fall for her even harder. We were standing so close I could feel her breath. Staying away wasn't an option anymore. My mind had no control over what I was doing. For the first time in my life I completely surrendered to what my heart wanted. "I didn't choose to feel this way. But I can't help myself. I've stayed away for all this time, but I just _can't_ anymore." I was still looking in her eyes. I ran my hand down her cheek to her neck. "But you have to." She said those words with a quiet voice, almost begging me. "I can't. You're just…" Words were meaningless. Nothing I say would express what I felt well enough. I leaned forward and kissed her lips. It wasn't like the kiss at Rod's. It was only a couple of hours away, but so many things have been said. It was so different this time. It wasn't rough or aggressive. It was pure passion. My mind went blank. I couldn't think about anything but her – her hair, her eyes, her hands, her lips – everything about her. This time she didn't push me away. It was like she surrendered. Realized, that it's hopeless to fight back. I wished that the moment would never end. I took her hands again. This is probably the closest I've ever been to happiness. Did she even know that?

I felt her hands on my chest. She moved away far too soon for me and turned her head to the left. "Just…Don't make this any worse." She looked at me and I saw tears in her eyes. Then she walked away. The thought of running after her crossed my mind, of course. But then I remembered the way she looked at me. I could see the exhaustion and chaos in her eyes. Today must have been a emotional rollercoaster for her. And it was clear now anyway – she loves him, even though he broke her heart. No one can go against feelings like that, no matter how desperate I was to be around her. She was hurt and her pain hurt me. If leaving her alone is what I have to do to make it easier for her – I guess that's what I have to do.


	10. Chapter 10

**PART ****TEN**

_Ann's Point of View_

I threw myself on my bed and cried in to the pillow. So many things happened today it was hard to decide which was the most terrifying. I was an emotional wreck and so was my life right now. Josh's leaving in a month, probably forever. And as if that isn't horrible enough, there was this thing – or whatever this is, with Armstrong. I've always thought everything was just a game to him. But now I just don't know. Everything used to be so simple – we ignored each other and we were both fine. And now this. I still can't believe what's going on. It's like I have no control over my own life.

I heard heavy rain fall on the roof window. How more depressing is this going to get? The worst of it all was the fact that I have absolutely no idea how I feel. Not about Josh, not about Billie Joe. With Josh it was always so easy – whenever it got complicated, we found a way to figure things out. The thought of us never being more than friends seemed stronger and stronger with every second. We understood each other and cared enough to help when things got hard. But there was never real romance between us, none of that passion stuff you can see in the movies. Maybe it was better for both of us to just be friends. And then there was Billie Joe. I still had trouble believing what he told me tonight. Billie Joe Armstrong, the guy every girl around would kill for, likes me. How is that even possible? We were never even close to being friends. We never even talked. The only way we actually communicated was either being mean to each other or yelling. Until tonight. Nothing seemed different, but really everything has changed. What happened at Rod's was a shock all on its own and to me completely unexpected. But beautiful in some way – in its own, sick and twisted way. It was kind of an honest act, something he did because he felt like doing it. It felt right in a strange way. _What the hell am I thinking? _It could never be right. We're too different to stand each other's presence. I need to get my mind off him.

A tear quietly ran down my cheek and I pathetically smiled at the mess my life has turned into in just one evening. My phone vibrated. I checked it and saw a text message. It said _"Come outside, OK?"_ It was from Josh. What was he thinking? It's pouring outside and he wants me to go there? My curiosity won the match against my sanity, so I grabbed my jacket and ran downstairs. I opened the door and saw Josh on the porch, soaked wet from the rain. "I…I…What's going on, Josh?" I was confused and I needed answers. "I just thought we should talk." He spoke with an extremely calm voice. He thought we should talk? What's there to say? "Come sit with me." He walked over to the chair set and sat down. He looked at me and raised one eyebrow. I came over and sat on the chair beside him. "What do we have to talk about?" He smiled at my confusion. It was one of those smiles that was impossible not to smile back at. "I know what I tolk you tonight hurt you. And I know I should've told you sooner." He looked like he was going to continue, but I interrupted him. "Yeah, you should have. But you didn't." I wasn't angry at him – I just thought he should feel bad for a while. So what if that makes me a bad person. "I know. But you'll be better off when I'm away anyway." He was still smiling and I was still confused. He probably noticed that and explained. "Annie, I saw you with Armstrong at Rod's." My heart stopped. "I… I… But… We…" I couldn't say a word. I was so shocked my hands started shaking. "Ann, it's okay. I don't mind." That only made me more confused. "What? I don't get it, Josh." He really didn't mind. He was completely calmed down. "He loves you, Annie. I saw the way he looked at you when he sang that slow song. Even a blind man would notice that." I couldn't breathe. What's he saying? "No! He doesn't love me. He's just a selfish, arrogant, self – loving, over – confident asshole, who thinks he can have anyone he wants, guy or girl! He can't love me. It's just… impossible." He giggled. I failed to see the laughing matter here. "Don't lie to yourself like that. You know the truth. He's probably spilled his gut out to you by now, hasn't he?" Damn, how does he do that? "I guess so. But he probably lied. He jokes around all the time, so love's probably just a game to him. Why are we even talking about him?" I wanted to get my mind off Billie Joe. I didn't want to think about what happened at Rod's or in the meadow. "We're talking about this because I want you to be happy when I leave. I can easily picture you with him." I gasped for air. I couldn't believe what he was telling me. "Stop, Josh! I could _never_ be with him. We're completely different people. And frankly, I think it's impossible for me to care about him any less than I do right now." He looked in my eyes and I felt like he was reading every thought in my mind.

"You love him, don't you?" I felt my head spin. "Josh, I…" I didn't know what to say to him. "I just don't know." That seemed like a reasonable explanation for my feelings. "You know, it's pretty obvious. You try to cover it up with hate, but you can't go against your won heart. And I'm no expert on relationships, but I can really see it with you two. You have that _thing_ – what you and I never had. The passion. And it's impossible to hide something like that, even though you try." He read me like a book. Probably. Honestly, I don't know what's going on right now. I felt desperate. "What would you do? What should _I _do?" Josh smiled at me. He probably saw me begin to face reality. "Annie, I think you should let your true feelings lead the way. Do what your heart wants you to do. Sometimes doing something crazy brings us happiness for a long time." I've never heard such advice from anyone. I was amazed. "Thank you so much, Josh. Thanks for being here when I need you." I hugged him and the beating of his heart calmed me down. "Any time you feel like using me."


	11. Chapter 11

**PART ELEVEN **

"You think you two can talk any time soon? It would be great if you could work things out." I was terrified by the thought of talking to Billie Joe. But a part of me – and I don't know how big that part might be – desperately wanted to do that. "I don't know. I guess I'm scared. No, I'm terrified." Josh smiled at me warmly. "Terrified of what? You've finally embraced reality. That should make you stronger." I'm beginning to see what an amazing friend Josh is. He's really trying to make things easier for me.

I felt something burning up inside me. My sanity was switched off. But for once I knew what I have to do. "I really need to talk to him." Josh smiled at my thoughts. "I should go to Rod's. Maybe he's hanging around." Josh put his hands on my shoulders, like he was trying to get me back to Earth. "Annie, in case you haven't noticed, it's raining like hell out here. Maybe you should talk to him tomorrow." I looked at him, still feeling the burning fire inside me. "I can't wait, Josh. I have to tell him _now_." I ran off the porch and quickly unlocked my car. I sat inside it and drive away. The last thing I saw behind me was Josh smiling.

The drive to Rod's seemed like an eternity. I nearly hit one of the cars in the parking lot, but I was too distracted to care. I ran inside and started looking for a known face. By the bar I noticed a shorter guy doing shots. I remembered him. He was the drummer that said 'kind of' all the time. I walked towards him and started talking right away. "Hi, you're Tre, right?" He looked at me and I could see he's tipsy. "I can be whoever you want me to be, honey." I ignored his comment. I didn't have time to give him a lesson right now. "Any idea where Billie Joe is?" I got right to the point. I had no time to waste. "He said he's gonna take a walk. Don't know where exactly, but he can't be far away." He had another shot and the alcohol was getting to his head. But he was the only one that could tell me anything. "Thanks." I was brief and walked – well, more like ran – out the door. I heard Tre talk to someone. "Wasn't that Bill's girl?" That made me smile for some reason. I figured I should walk. I didn't care about the rain; I just wanted to do what my heart was telling me to do, like Josh said. I walked for a few blocks without success. I was loosing hope and even the strength to go on. My phone vibrated again, another text message. It said _"It's not worth giving up."_ Josh again. He knows me so well. The phone was already soaked from the rain, so I put it away. I walked on, telling myself that this is the right thing to do. At the corner of the street I looked around. On the left I saw someone walking. He was pretty far away, but I could tell he was wearing a leather jacket. His quite long, dark hair was – logically – wet. I'm not sure, but I think he had a guitar strapped on his back. My heart was going insane. I knew it was him. Who else would go for a walk in the pouring rain? What do I do now?

"Bill!" I didn't like calling him that, but I wasn't even sure if he heard me or not, so who cares. He stopped for a second and slowly began to turn around. I was as nervous as ever. Now he was looking my way. I had no idea what to do. We were two people, standing on the street in the rain, trying to reach out to each other. Trying to explain the unexplainable – which is, our feelings. I made a couple of steps forward and tried to keep myself from running right towards him. "I'm sorry!" I shouted, but my voice seemed weak. An apology was the least I could say to him. My breathing got deeper when I noticed he took a few steps my way. But we were still fairly distanced. "I'm sorry too." I couldn't believe his words. He was sorry? What for? For all that stuff years ago? He was forgiven the first day; I just wouldn't let him know that. I felt tears in my eyes. I stepped closer again. "I don't hate you. I never did. I just couldn't tell you. You're just so… Different." It was harder to speak with every word. It was impossible to express what I feel in words. He got close to me and I could finally see his face. Raindrops running down his hair to his face, his green eyes that were as clear as the sky on a sunny day and what seemed like a little smile on his lips. The only word that could describe what I saw was beautiful. There were no other words for him. "What about Hudson? I'm not exactly his favorite person." Hearing his voice was like the sweetest serenade. I could hardly focus on his question. "He's the reason I'm here. I would've never had the guts to come here if he wouldn't help me. He understands. He's my friend." He looked slightly confused, but the smile on his face didn't go anywhere.

"You're fuckin' nuts, you know that? I mean, you can catch a hell of a cold like this." Now I smiled too. "Yeah, but so can you, so we're even." He laughed quietly. I looked for his hand and wrapped his fingers with mine. I felt his other hand around my waist, pulling me even closer. He kissed me softly. I ran my fingers through his soft hair, then rested my hand on the back of his neck. For the very first time I felt this is where I belong.


	12. Chapter 12

**PART TWELVE**

_Billie Joe's Point of View_

Only one word could describe what I was living right now – heaven. I was flying high and what matters most, she was flying with me. All this seemed too good to be true. She's everything I've ever wanted and now it feels like I have her.

She pulled away and I felt fear inside me. But when I saw her smile the fear was gone. "We've gotta get out of here!" She grabbed my hand and we ran across the street in laughter. We got into a small alley that was covered by roofs of houses, so we weren't in the rain anymore. Both of us were still laughing when I pressed her against the wall and kissed her again. I could never get enough of the taste of her lips. "I should probably get going." She spoke with a quiet voice, looking down at the ground. I put two fingers under her chin and raised her head so that she looked at me. "Where's the fire?" I was looking right in her eyes, so deep that it made my head spin. "Well, I still live with my parents. My mom's probably going mad because she has no idea where I am. I still need to tell them stuff like that for a few months, until I'm eighteen." I smiled at her worries. Thank god I'm not under age anymore. "Make a call home. We can go…somewhere. Anywhere. Just don't leave yet." I was practically begging her to stay. I was too happy to let today end so soon. "We can't stay here forever. Eventually I'm going to go home and so are you. There's always tomorrow. It's not like you'll never see me again." She's right, I'm over-reacting. "Then at least made me take you home." She smiled and it was like the sun shined for me. "Well, I guess I _could_ let you drive my car. But it's at Rod's." At least I have the pleasure of her presence for a little longer. We walked all the way to Rod's hand in hand. I held on to each moment I spent with her and wanted it to last forever. It was like I was living my own fairytale.

She fell asleep on my shoulder while we were on the way to her house. I didn't even want to wake her up when we arrived. Having her this close was all I could ever ask for. So I let her sleep for about an hour, then she woke up. When we got out of the car I realized there's so much I have to say. "I've gone from hell to paradise with you in just one day. That's pretty fucking amazing." My knees softened up when she took my hand and kissed me. She walked to the door and shaped a heart with her hands before she went inside. I just stood in the driveway for a couple of minutes, thinking about what a lucky bastard I am, then I headed home. I was surprised to see both Mike and Tre there already. "You're early." Mike was drinking his usual evening coffee and Tre was watching TV. "Good evening to you too, Mike." My best friend was surprised to see the bright smile on my face and my cheerful greeting. "Bill, are you high or something?" Looks like our conversation got Tre's attention as well. "Nope, not this time. I guess I'll head upstairs. Night, fuckwads."

I threw myself on my bed and was instantly overflown by everything that happened today. I was surprised even by the fact that she actually showed up at Rod's in the first place. I thought of every single word she said to me there, and of course what I did after that. I thought of how she looked at me when I was on stage, and how I looked back at her. I thought of the shock of seeing her in the meadow and our conversation there. Of course I thought of the kiss we shared, and after that how she pushed me away and left in tears. I thought of the alcohol I drank at Rod's when I came back and of my walk in the pouring rain, that got me sober. I thought of the feeling that I don't belong anywhere, that I'm lost and hopeless. I thought of her, standing in the street, calling my name and saying she's sorry. I thought of the look in her eyes when she told me she never hated me. And I thought of her fingers in my hair and how she finally didn't push me away when I kissed her. I thought of our laughter in the alley, of the walk to Rod's, of her hand in mine. I thought of her, sleeping on my shoulder, looking so peaceful and innocent. I thought of the way she walked to her house and how she looked at me before she left. I thought of the feeling of being complete I was left with.

Every thought in my head was linked to her. I didn't have to hide it anymore. I've found what I was looking for all of this time.


	13. Chapter 13

**PART ****THIRTEEN**

_Ann's Point of View_

I closed the door behind me and leaned on it with my back. I stayed like that for a few moments, until I heard steps coming down the stairs. "Annie?" I saw my mother in her pyjamas, looking at me with worried eyes. "Hi, mom." I greeted cheerfully, which clearly surprised her. I almost began apologizing for not telling her where I went, but she beat me to it. "Josh explained, briefly. But you have to do the rest." Josh talked to my mom? My parents always adored him, but I didn't expect something like this. "Okay. But I think you should sit down for this one.

And so I told her about everything that happened today – from Rod's with Josh to the meadow with Billie Joe, and after that our porch, even about my walk in the rain. After all that, all she could do was stare at me. "So you've broken up with Josh and realized you like this Armstrong kid?" The Armstrong kid – it was clear to me right away, that it's going to take time before Billie Joe becomes anything more than that to my parents, or at least my mother. She loved Josh too much to face things easily. "Josh and I are much better as friends. And mom, you're going to love Billie Joe. He's really not that bad. And I care about him a lot. It would be nice if you and dad would be supportive about this. At least give him a chance – like I did." I got up, ready to go upstairs. As I walked, my mom had to say what was on her mind. "I just hope you're not wrong, dear." I ignored her, because I knew what I was doing is right. And I was too tired to fight with her now. In my room I quickly put on my PJs and crashed into bed. I was exhausted from everything that's been going on today. But I was happy, because I had tomorrow to look forward to.

The early sunlight woke me up in the morning. It was a Saturday, but I didn't feel like sleeping in. I went into the kitchen and made a peanut butter sandwich. I always enjoyed weekends. Both mom and dad worked extra late, so I had the house to myself all day, which was always a pleasure. After I had breakfast I washed the dishes and went outside for a walk. I walked to the park and sat on one of the benches, to look around a bit. It was a warm, sunny day, perfect for a relaxing afternoon in the park. Families were having picnics, children were running around and playing, the birds were singing – you could really tell summer was almost here. I just sat there, enjoying myself, when I heard the message ringtone of my phone. The message was from Billie Joe. It said '_Hey_' with a smiley face at the end. It made me smile too. I quickly answered. '_Hey. How's it going?_' I wrote. I love writing silly text messages for no reason.

I soon heard my ringtone again. '_Pretty well, actually. I'm just hangin' in the park, looking at some brunette that looks like she's texting someone. Looks a lot like you, y'know. Look behind you._' I did as he asked. I turned around, looked at a few faces, mostly people talking walks around the park. On the bridge across a little pond I noticed a guy with dark hair, wearing jeans and a dark jacket. It didn't take long for me to figure things out. I smiled at him and he smiled back, which completely mesmerized me. He walked over and sat beside me on the bench. "So, where's you brunette?" I pretended I didn't get the point. He put one hand over my shoulders and the other on my cheek. "Right here." He spoke quietly, almost whispering. He kissed me, roughly but gently, innocently but passionately at once and my mind went blank. I couldn't think, I could barely even breathe. It was over almost too soon. We walked around the little pond, hand in hand. "Any plans for today?" I love how he's always able to start a conversation about everyday things. "Not really. I'll probably just go home later and finish that history homework I've been working on." He stopped and got in front of me, now holding both of my hands. "How 'bout you come with me instead of wasting your weekend on school stuff?" I smiled and gave him a fake lecture with a funny, formal tone. "Just because you dropped out of school doesn't change the fact that I'm graduating in a couple of weeks, Mr. Armstrong. But, I must admit, your offer sounds quite tempting. What do you have in mind?" He laughed quietly and his eyes sparkled when he noticed my interest. "We could go to my place so you can properly meet the guys. In fact, they said I'm not aloud in the house today, unless I bring you with me." He talked a little faster than usual and it wasn't hard to notice his excitement. "You sure you wanna show me off like that?" He put his hands on my cheeks and smiled. "Hell yeah. You're like the best piece of jewelry anyone's ever had. I'm pretty much the luckiest son of a bitch around to have you tolerate me." I felt myself blush at his words. Who knew he could talk like that? "Okay, let's go then." We walked out of the park, to the street. "That's my ride over there." He pointed across the road, to a black car that looked pretty beat up. "It's not much compare to your badass Ford, but it's my own. And it hardly ever breaks down, even though it probably looks like the exact opposite." He looked at me to see what I think. "It's great. Let's go."

We sat in the car and when he started it, loud music came from the speakers. He blushed and quickly changed the station. "Sorry." I looked at him, confused. "It's okay. We can listen to anything you like. And besides, I like loud music. I'm not like some Madonna fan or anything. I don't really follow mainstream." He smiled. "Good to know. Neither do I." He turned the music back up, clearly happy that we found something we have in common – especially something that was as important to him as music. We drove for a while, then he took a turn to a driveway. The house was small, but pleasant. It was anything a person would expect from a home of three guys who are barely eighteen. We walked to the door and he opened it for me, taking a little bow. "After you, Miss." He gave me one of his smiles, the kind only he could show. I could see the excitement in his eyes, but there was a trace of doubt as well. I couldn't understand why – I loved the place already. I stepped inside and he came right behind me. "Welcome to Paradise." His voice was more beautiful to me with every word. It was as soft as velvet, with just enough roughness at times.

He wrapped his arms around my waist, getting closer to me. My thoughts got lost in his eyes. It was like I melted every time I looked in them. He touched my lips with his and I trembled all over. He pushed me to the wall and continued passionately. "Get a room!" We literally jumped apart and stared at the guy that suddenly appeared in the hallway. "Damn it, Tre!" Billie Joe tried to hide his blushing cheeks with anger. And I thought _I_ was the one who blushes all the time. The guy – I mean, Tre, looked at me with intrigue. "Have I seen you somewhere?" I smiled at the memory of that evening. "Yeah, you have. But the memory might be a bit blurry – that would probably be from all that tequila." Tre nodded, now remembering. "Oh, riiiight. You're that girl from Rod's. I didn't think Bill stands a chance with someone like you. I was wrong, obviously." Billie looked from me to Tre and was confused. "Slow down! You two've met before? What am I missing here?" I began to explain. "I came looking for you at Rod's and, um, Tre told me you went for a walk. And then… Well, you know what happened then." He smiled, probably thinking of that. "Well, then I guess you already know Tre. Like you might have noticed, he's the one that ruins most things around here. Tre, this is Annie. Try not to be a total dumbass when she's around, okay?" Tre looked at Billie Joe like he hurt his feelings. "But I like being a dumbass!" Then he looked at me. Hi. If he makes any trouble just call me and I'll kick his sorry ass for you." I smiled and so did he. "Thanks. I'll keep that in mind." Billie groaned in a funny way and Tre giggled. "Shut up, Tre. Anyway, moving on…" He took my hand and we went further into the living room.

A guy was sitting on the couch, watching a Red Sox game and drinking coffee. He turned our way when we came in. "What's all the fuss ab… Oh." He stopped when he noticed me and his eyes jumped to my hand in Billie's. He got up and came closer to us. "So he brought you after all. I'm Mike." He offered me his hand and I shook it. "Hi, Mike. I'm Ann." The blue-eyed man smiled at me. "Yeah, I know. You're also all this guy ever talks about." I looked at Billie Joe. He was looking at Mike with killer eyes. "Are you guys out to get me today or something? You're all 'Let's make the worst impression possible' here." I gently squeezed his hand. "Beej, it's fine. Loosen up, for God's sake." Both Mike and Tre bursted out in laughter. "Yeah, _Beej_, don't be such a grouch!" Apparently I chose the funniest nickname possible.

"Okay, that's enough. We're going upstairs. Stay out of my face, shitheads." As we walked up the stairs I could still hear the guys laughing their heads off. "Have fun, you two!" The laughing got even louder. Billie Joe looked at me and rolled his eyes, which made me laugh. His room was the third on the left. He closed the door behind us and began to apologize. "I'm so sorry. They're usually less nuts. They're never normal, though. I mean, they haven't gotten laid in a while and it's starting to ware off on what's left of their sanity. I'm sorry." I giggled and slowly pulled him towards me by the collar of his shirt. "They're freakin' hilarious. That was fun. How come you were so serious?" He looked up, like he was trying to find the words to explain. "It's not every day I bring someone here. The only visits I've had were one-night stands. And even they've been gone for, I don't know, three years now. Ever since I've admitted to myself that I'm lovesick over you. That's why this is a pretty big deal to me." I was surprised and flattered by his words. "You were _lovesick_ over me?" He looked down at the ground, like he felt shy. "Well, yeah. Kind of. A little. A lot. Hopelessly." He bit his lip and waited for my reaction. I didn't know what to say. I never would've thought his feelings for me go that far back.

"Annie? Something wrong?" He was getting nervous. "I thought…all this…was, you know – recent for you." When he realized what I said, he looked like someone punched him in the stomach. He let go of my hand and took a step back. I hated myself for saying anything in the first place. "Well, it's not. It may be true that I have no fucking idea how you feel, but I… I love you, regardless of anything else." I could see the pain in his eyes and the battle inside him – between his mind, that was telling him to stay calm and his heart, which wanted to let go and surrender to his feelings. I knew how that felt. I've fought that battle a thousand times. "I'm sorry, Beej. I didn't think this was such a big deal to you. I'm usually the sentimental one. I'm sorry." He stepped closer again. "And?" As if he knew I haven't said everything that's on my mind. "I love you. So much. More than you could ever know." He smiled, so honestly it almost hurt. That happy spark was in his eyes again. It really seemed like that was the only thing he wanted to hear. I messed up his hair and he giggled. "Wanna go back to where we left off in the hall?" There was that velvet voice again. Who could deny that?

I leaned to him and kissed his neck gently. I felt him shiver. "I'm guessing that's a yes." He took my hand and put it to his heart. It was beating too fast for me to keep count. He kissed me, softly at first, but with increasing passion. We were both caught in the heat of the moment when my phone interrupted us. It was my mom. I wanted to turn the phone off forever. "Do you have to answer?" He was breathing deep and his heart was going faster and faster. "I probably should." It was the last thing I wanted to do right now, but my mom wouldn't call from work if it wasn't important. Billie stepped back and I took the phone out of my pocket. "Hi, mom. No, I'm not at home." The words I heard shocked me and scared me to the bone. I could barely say anything. "I'll be there as soon as I can." Then I hung up. I gasped for air, trying to breathe normally. Without success. I just stood there, unable to talk, walk or even breathe normally. Billie Joe put his hands on my cheeks, looking in my eyes and trying to figure out what's going on with me. "Annie? What's wrong? What happened?" All I got out of myself were words of confusion. "Dad… Car accident… Hospital…" My head was spinning. I was probably pale and my whole body was shaking. Billie Joe hugged me and tried to calm me down. "I can take you there if you want." My head was on his chest and his hand was going up and down my back, relaxing me, but not much. "Please." I couldn't say anything more.

He practically had to carry me down the stairs. Tre only stared at us and when he tried to say something, Billie told him to go see Bay Watch. He sat me down in the car like a baby and got in himself. Before he started the car he looked at me and I could see how worried he was. I wanted to tell him everything was going to be fine, but I'm not sure if I believed that myself. His hand rested on my knee the whole drive. When we arrived at the hospital, he finally said something. "Want me to go inside with you?" As if he knew what I needed to hear. I needed him with me. I needed someone that wasn't afraid, someone who could make me believe everything will be fine in the end. I nodded and he came to my side. He opened the door for me and offered me his hand. I grabbed it and tired to get up. I almost fell, but he caught me. He whipped the tears from my eyes and smiled, giving me strength to go on. "Hey. Everything's gonna be fine. I've had tons of car crashes and look at me - I'm, well, almost normal." I smiled, but I felt weak. Another worry crossed my mind. "Beej, my parents…" He was still smiling – it was nice to know one of us wasn't terrified. "I'll behave, I promise. Let's go." We walked in and stopped by the counter. "John Rellington?" The young girl by the counter smiled at us and probably noticed my scared face. "Room 134. He's doing great, I wouldn't worry too much." I felt relief and whispered a quiet 'thank you' to the girl. Billie Joe put his arm over my shoulders and we walked across a couple of hallways until we found the right room. My mom was sitting by the door and got up when she saw us, briefly examining Billie from head to toes. "Finally, Annie! Your father's doing fine, just a few broken bones. I've got to get back to work now, it's a madhouse today!" I grabbed her hand before she could run off. "Mom, slow down. I'd like you to meet Billie Joe." She looked at him with an almost-smile on her face, but I saw the doubt in her eyes. Billie offered her his hand, but she ignored it. I looked at him – he didn't even look surprised. Instead, he greeted my mom. "Nice to meet you, ma'am." My mother briefly responded. "Yes, it's quite nice to meet you too, young man. Ann, I really need to run now. You should talk to your father." Then she disappeared in the hallway. I couldn't believe her behavior. I turned to Billie Joe. "I'm sorry about that. She's still not over me and Josh. But give her time – she can be really nice when she wants to be, I promise." When I said Josh's name I saw a trace of pain on his face, but he covered it with a smile. "No problem. Go see your dad now, okay?" I kissed him quickly and went into the room. My dad was awake and smiled brightly when I came in. "Annie! I'm sorry your mother had to bother you because of all this." I sat on the chair beside his bed. "Bother me? I almost fainted when I found out. What the heck were you up to, dad?" He giggled and began explaining. "It was stupid, really. I didn't see a car coming towards me and we crashed, just a little. And here I am with a broken arm and three fingers to go with it." I stared at him, admiring his ability to make a joke out of everything. "Who's that boy I saw you with outside?" I felt my cheeks burn when he mentioned him. I didn't think he saw us. "That's, um… That's Billie Joe, dad." He smiled when he noticed that I blushed. "Someone I should meet, perhaps?" I was skeptical. I didn't know what dad would think of Billie. Normally I wouldn't care, but the opinion of my parents always mattered to me. "I don't know. Mom wasn't exactly amazed. I think she's still hoping on Josh." Dad smiled, squeezing my hand. "You know how your mother can be. I'm sure he's a great boy. I'll wait until I get out of here – I don't want to make a bad impression!"

Dad and I talked for some time, laughing a lot and having fun. My dad was so different from my mom – we could talk about anything anytime and still have a good laugh along the way. "Look at the time! Annie, you should get some sleep. You can come and see me tomorrow, if you want." The time really went by fast and I was sure Billie left already. I said goodbye to dad and stepped into the hallway. H was still there, sitting on the chair, smiling at me. "Billie Joe, what're you still doing here? It's like, nine in the evening! You've been here all this time?" He got up and stepped closer to me, still smiling brightly. "Well, I wanted to wait for you. No big deal. Did you have fun?" I was now under the influence of his honest happiness. "Well, a conversation with my dad. You know how that is." The smile instantly disappeared from his face. "Not really. My dad… Died when I was ten." I noticed his face turn stone hard as the tried to hide the pain. I reached for his hand and hugged him. He leaned his head on my shoulder. "Thanks." He whispered. I didn't understand the cause of his gratitude. "What for?" He looked in my eyes and I could still see the hurt he was trying to hold back. "For not saying you're sorry. I've heard _way_ too much of that. What happened was unavoidable anyway. He had cancer, and, you know…" I put my finger to his lips. I couldn't take the pain that was caused to him by all this. "We don't have to talk about this. Let's go to your place. You need some sleep. I'll call a cab from there." And so we did – we drove back to his house and I went inside to get the jacket I left there in the morning and said goodbye to Mike and Tre. Billie Joe came outside with me and I called a taxi. We waited for almost an hour, but it didn't show up. "You know, I'm kind of glad the taxi driver's taking so long." I stared at him, not understanding what he was trying to say. He noticed. "It's better when you're around. When you're not, all I do is wait for you to show up. I like just sitting here with you, doing nothing. It's like we don't even need to talk. That weird silence that usually comes when people don't talk – it's not here for us." I let my head rest on his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around me. "Wanna stay tonight?" That was probably the only thing that could really surprise me right now. "Eee… What?" I felt like an idiot, but I was honestly shocked. "I asked if you wanted to stay here tonight. I mean, no dirty intentions or anything." He gave me one of his honest smiles. "I'll sleep on the couch, you can have my bed." I was still staring at him. "You sure?" He smiled, clearly completely relaxed. "It would be the best start to a day for me if I woke up and you were the first person I saw."

So I decited to stay the night. I called home and had to use the golden 'I'm turning eighteen in a few months' phrase with my mom, but she soon surrendered. She said she trusts me and 'that polite young man' enough to not freak out about this. "You've officially charmed my mother with your politeness. See, I told you she just needed a little time to soften up." Beej smiled and was obviously proud of himself. "Can I borrow an old t-shirt of yours or something? I don't exactly carry my pyjamas with me." He giggled and threw me a white shirt that covered me up to my knees. He made a bed for himself on the couch. Then he sat down on it and I sat beside him. "Can I have a kiss goodnight?" I couldn't say no to those eyes, even if I wanted to. I kissed him softly and almost moved away again, but he wouldn't let me. "Another one?" I smiled and kissed him once again. This time I didn't move away so soon. He pressured his lips to mine even more and I ran my fingers through his hair. I loved doing that, almost as much as I loved him. I sat in his lap with my head on his chest, listening to the beating of his heart. "How the hell was I able to live without you?" I looked down, avoiding his eyes. They were my biggest weakness. "You give me way too much credit. I honestly have no idea why you're wasting your time with me. There are so many girls out there that are so much better than I am. And you, being as amazing as you are, could get any one of them any day of the week. Still, you're here with me on a Saturday night. That's got to be a disease or something." He lifted my chin up, so I had to look in his eyes. "If what I'm doing is wasting my time, then I intend to continue until you decide otherwise. If there are girls better than you – which I doubt – then the only thing I really want is second best. And yes, there _is_ a disease and it's called you. And guess what? I don't ever wanna be cured." I put my hand on his cheek. I was too flattered for words. "This couch sucks. It's gotta be horrible for your back. I really shouldn't let you sleep on it." He made a puppy face and I smiled at him. "You can have one side of the bed, if you want. If you promise to behave, that is." His eyes sparkled and he kissed me all over my face. "Damn, I though you'd never ask!" We laughed and shoved each other around, until he landed above me on the ground. "I've seen this before." We were both still laughing, thinking of that day in the meadow. It was almost our meadow. "God, that day scared me to death for no reason." He smiled like a devil again.

"Actually, I enjoyed that quite a lot. Almost as much as I'm enjoying right now." He kissed me again and we rolled over, so I was on top of him now. "We should head to bed." We got up and he held my hand. "Promise me I get to see you a lot tomorrow." I smiled at his worries. As if I could stand staying away from him for long. "You'll see so much of me you'll be begging me to get out of your face at the end of the day." He smiled and shook his head. "Yeah, right. Like that's ever gonna happen." He lifted me up and I laughed in shock. He put me to bed and covered me with a blanket, making me feel special. He walked to his side of the bed and laid down himself. He wrapped his arms around me and I felt safe in his embrace. "Night, Annie." He kissed me on the top of my head. "Night." I enjoyed every moment, but I soon fell asleep. What mattered most, he was right there beside me, holding me in his arms.


	14. Chapter 14

**PART FOURTEEN**

_Billie Joe's Point of View _

Almost too perfect. Too unbelievable. Too damn beautiful for me to believe it. I never even dared to dream of something like this and now it's actually happening. She's asleep in my arms, dreaming away and I have the pleasure of her presence. It even seems she's just as happy to be here right now as I am. I am without a doubt the luckiest bastard on Earth.

I woke up from a dream and in the same second I forgot what it was about. It took me a few moments to remember who I am, where I am and who should be lying beside me. I rolled over to the left. No one was there. The sheets looked untouched. I jumped up._ Was it all only a dream? Something too beautiful to be true? _I was awaken from my self-destructive thoughts by laughter – Mike's laugh and Tre's… and someone else's. It was her. It _had _to be her. I quickly put on some old jeans and ran downstairs, still in my night shirt. Everyone was in the kitchen. Mike was laughing so hard his eyes were tearing up and Tre was shoving bacon up his nose. _She_ was there. I wasn't dreaming. "Morning, Billie." Mike noticed me standing at the door, probably looking like an idiot. "Morning." I walked over to the table and knelt down to her chair. I didn't even care that both Tre and Mike were right there. "Hey, sleepyhead." She kissed me good morning and for a few moments I forgot what my name is. "Um, hello? Guys? We're still in the room, you know. Not that I mind watching or anything." I moved away and shot an invisible bullet towards Tre with my eyes. Only then I bothered to look at the table. It was full of… Everything. Eggs, bacon, toast, sandwiches, fruit, at least 3 kinds of cereal and coffee, chocolate milk, orange juice… "_What the fuck_? Who the hell invaded the fridge?" The guys smiled and pointed at Ann. I looked at her, completely surprised. "Last time I checked this wasn't a five-star hotel. This is kind of… Wow." She smiled modestly. "I wanted to make myself useful. Your kitchen was pretty much empty, so I did some shopping. But you're well stacked with coffee, thanks to Mike's caffeine addiction." Mike threw an apple at her and she caught it, leaving him surprised. "Good reflexes. Don't hate the coffee though. It's like fuel to my system, you know." We all laughed and I sat down to enjoy my huge breakfast. "Band practice today?" I asked with a full mouth, looking at Tre and Mike. They both nodded. Then I looked at Ann. "Wanna come?" She shook her head. "I need to do stuff for school. I'm graduating in two weeks and finals are coming up. I _really_ need to study." I nodded and remembered there's still something she hasn't told me. "What're you gonna do after you're done with high school?" She looked down for a moment. "Honestly, I have no idea. I've filled out a few college applications, just in case I decide for… That option. But I just wanna have a good summer first. I might even hit the road for a while, see the world or something. Like I said, I don't know." I smiled at her, wondering if her future involves me somehow.

I finished my breakfast and went outside to sit on the porch. After a while she came out too and sat beside me. "You should crash here more often. I can't remember the last time I had a breakfast like that." She quietly giggled. "I'm glad you liked it. I should probably head home, my studying awaits. Have fun at practice today." I looked for her hand and squeezed it gently. "I'd have even more fun if you came along." She messed up my hair with her free hand. I loved it when she did that. I closed my eyes, enjoying her company and listening to what she had to say. "Not today, Beej." Her voice was gentle, friendly. And loving. I still had trouble believing that she cares about me – that she _loves_ me. "Be patient for these two weeks. After that, you can drag me anywhere anytime." I smiled, eyes still closed. "I'll hold on to your word." Her hand was now on my face. I opened my eyes and saw her, looking at me with a warm smile on her lips. "How dare you be so confusingly beautiful?" I stared at her; the expression on my face was probably saying _'What the hell?'_. She was going to say something, but I beat her to it. "Oh, shut up." I sealed her lips with mine. It was hard, if not impossible, to express what I felt. It was like my heart was stolen from me and completely obsessed with her. She was all I could think about. And all I _wanted_ to think about.

She gently pushed me away, ending it all too soon. "You really need to stop doing cute things and making me stay. I've got to get home and you guys have to practice. I'm leaving now. Seriously." I could see she could hardly keep herself from laughing. She got up and so did I. I held her hands, subconsciously. I've gotten strangely used to doing that. "I'll miss you." She probably thought I was exaggerating, but it was true – when she wasn't around every second felt like a lifetime. "Don't worry, I'll be around. It's not like I could stand being away from you for long anyway. Enjoy your freedom while you can, because after graduation I won't let you go anywhere without me." I smiled, hoping for that to be true. "You need a ride?" She grinned, letting go of my hand. "The sooner I get out of your face, the easier you'll deal with it. So no, I don't need a ride. I've already called a taxi." As soon as she said that, the taxi appeared in front of the house. I took a deep breath, dreading the goodbye that followed. "I love you, wherever I am. Don't you forget that, okay? No matter what happens, always." The taxi driver horned impatiently. She quickly kissed my cheek and ran off. I looked after the taxi until it was out of my sight, then I rushed back in the house. Mike was waiting in the hallway. "You ready, Billie?" I half-ran up the stairs. "Not really. I have to… Write." Tre heard us to the living room. "Well, that's pretty fucking awesome!" I slammed the door behind me and pulled my old notebook that was hardly holding together out of the drawer. Her words were still in my mind. _No matter what happens, always._


	15. Chapter 15

**PART FIFTEEN**

_Ann's Point of View_

**Two weeks later**

I am now a high school graduate. I couldn't believe it when my name was called and I received my diploma. It felt amazing. The end to one of my journeys in life.

My thinking was interrupted by my mother. "Annie, your father and I are heading home. Have fun with your friends." I grinned from ear to ear. "Okay, mom. I will." Her eyes got teary, like countless other times today. "I'm so proud of you, sweetheart." She hugged me, then left to look for my dad. I talked to my friends, making a little summary of the passed four years we spent together. For the first time I realized how much I was going to miss everyone. Samantha, Jennifer, Gary, Katelyn, Phillip, Dave, Erica, Ben and everyone else. They all had a special place somewhere in my life. Kate came towards me, smiling brightly. "High school's fucking _over_!" That was the fact that made me smile all day today. "Yay!" She hugged me and we danced around like little kids. "I've gotta find my folks. I have my own boring graduation party to attend." I was thankful to my parents for not making me throw one of those. My relatives pretty much suck and they only would've ruined this day for me. "Oh, I almost forgot! Billie said to meet him by the tree in the back. Gotta run now. See you soon!" Then she ran off, leaving me to wonder why Billie Joe wanted to see me.

I took my graduation clothes off earlier, so I was back in my comfy jeans now. I noticed Ben walking my way. He was a brown-haired, blue-eyed, friendly guy who I've laughed with a lot over the years. At the beginning of junior year he told me he has a crush on me. I always laughed at that. I don't consider myself as pretty or anything like that. "Hey, Annie." He greeted me cheerfully. "Benny!" I practically jumped around his neck, hugging him tightly and still laughing. "Woah. Is it Christmas or something?" We both laughed again. "So, where're you headed?" His eyes were sparkling and he was smiling, looking as happy as a little, carless kid. You couldn't help but love Ben. "The tree. Kate said Billie's waiting there. And don't ask why, because I have no idea." He giggled, but the spark in his eyes disappeared the second I mentioned Billie Joe. "Mind if I walk you there?" He offered me his hand in a way you usually see in a cartoon about little princesses, making me laugh. "Not at all."

So we walked to the back of the school. A big, old oak tree, that was famous enough to be known simply as 'The Tree' stood there, making shade for the benches next to it. A young couple was sitting on one of those benches. A blonde and… My heart skipped a beat when I recognized the face of the guy the blonde girl was all over. It was Billie Joe. I remembered to breathe again and tried not to freak out. Ben saw them too. He was looking at me in worry. "Annie, you okay?" I took a deep breath. "No, I'm _really_ not okay right now. Forgive me for what I'm gonna do." I walked stubbornly towards the two, dragging confused Ben after me. "Really sorry to be disturbing your foreplay, but if I'm not mistaken, the guy you're crawling over right now is – or maybe I should say _was_ – my boyfriend." I spoke to the blonde with a bitter, arrogant tone, trying to hold back my rage and pain. Billie Joe finally took notice of me and Ben. "Oh, _fuck_. Ann, I…" I interrupted him, not caring about what he had to say. "…was just attempting to get laid by some whore? Is that what you were saying? Because I kind of noticed that, _Billie Joe_." I felt tears come to my eyes, but I held them back. I wasn't going to break down now – not in front of him. He looked at Ben and noticed my hand in his. "Why're you holding his hand?" Changing the subject? I'm not even close to finishing this. The fact that he was mixing Ben in to all of this just made me angrier. "You're not in the fucking possision to be asking me that. And at least Ben's honest with me and cares about me enough to not do something as fucked up as the shit you're doing right now!" Now I was shouting. I let go of Ben's hand and half-ran away. Billie Joe came after me, grabbed my wrist and turned me towards himself. "Ann, I'm _sorry_." The tears were back in my eyes again. This time I wasn't strong enough to fight them and they came running down my face. "Well, maybe you should've thought about that a little earlier, Beej. Now being sorry just _isn't enough_ anymore." He was looking in my eyes and I had to look away. His green eyes were my biggest weakness. I couldn't go against them, no matter how hard I tried. "I know what I did was wrong. I don't know what I was thinking. I just…I don't know. All I really know right now is how sorry I am." I was still crying silently and the tears made it hard to speak. "I have to get out of here." I tried to free my hand from his grip, but he wouldn't let me. "You _know_ how much I care. You know there isn't anything I wouldn't do to turn time back. This is supposed to be _our_ summer. You and me. It can't just be over before it even started." His voice was almost as weak as mine, but I still didn't believe he was sorry. Even if I'd believe that, I wouldn't forgive him. I couldn't. "Well, it is. You ended it. Nothing else matters anymore."

I saw surrender in his eyes. He let go of my hand and I turned around to walk away. As I was walking, I couldn't escape the thought, that I was leaving what I was hoping to be my future. It was taken away from me sooner than it was even given.


	16. Chapter 16

**PART SIXTEEN**

I don't remember how I got home. I can't clearly remember anything since I left school grounds. I mean, I must have walked home or something, but I can't remember it.

I woke up from a bad dream and grabbed my pillow in fear. In the dream I was falling and falling endlessly. It felt horrible. I was relieved when I realized I was only dreaming. My eyes were sore and my pillow was soaked, probably from my tears. I looked at the clock on the wall – it said twelve thirty in the afternoon. I was done with school and had zero plans for the summer, so I didn't even care. I rested for a couple of minutes, then finally got up and managed to get myself to the kitchen. I was low on energy, which is why I almost fell down the stairs. It felt almost like hangover, only ten times worse. I slowly ate my breakfast, and then crashed on the couch. I've only just woken up, but I felt exhausted. I tired to avoid most thoughts that came to my head; they all reminded me of yesterday. The ones I couldn't escape hurt like hell. The image of Billie Joe's face drenched in pain wouldn't leave me alone. I felt painfully haunted. All these thoughts put me to sleep again.

Half an hour passed when the doorbell disturbed my sleep. "Mmm? Coming!" Still half in a dream, I walked to the door and dragged it open. The next second, Mike was standing in front of me. For reasons unknown to me, I jumped around his neck in a weak hug. It reminded me that I'm still alive. As soon as I was back to as normal as I could be under the circumstances, we sat in the chairs on the porch. "Ann, you look like hell." I smiled, as much as I could smile right now. "Yeah, my mirror says that too." He got serious and I knew what was up next. "Billie told me about… Yesterday." I didn't know what to say, but I had to say something. "I figured he'd tell you two." Mike took a deep breath, then continued. "He came home yesterday, he was all weird and quiet and shit, then he got drunk off his ass and spilled his guts out. He almost fucking cried. I've never seen him like that, it was almost terrifying." I tried to keep my feelings off my face, but I'm not sure it worked. "Well, I wasn't exactly cheerful myself. My pillow's in the fucking drier." The expression on his face was sympathetic and worried. "He loves you, you know. He's one dumb son of a bitch, but he loves you." I smiled sarcastically. "Yeah, he sure as hell does. He loves me enough to make out and almost make a baby with some random blonde on my graduation day. Nothing says true love like that, Mike." He was loosing hope that out conversation would change my mind. "At least think about it. You can't imagine how sorry he is. He won't eat or talk to anyone, not even his mom or me, or Tre. He blames himself." I was still looking away, trying not to be taken over by emotions. I'd freak Mike out. "He should. He did what he did on his own, so the blame's on him. I thought everything was great between us and then all this happened. I don't even understand why." Mike looked defeated. "Promise me you'll at least consider talking to him about it. Just for my own peace of mind?" I looked at him, begging him to stop. "I can't, Mike. I value trust and I can't stand lies. This was too much for me. And no matter how much I want to forgive him, I can't. I'm sorry." He finally gave up. "Okay, I understand. I know what he did was the stupidest thing in the world. Oh well, I can't say I didn't try."

With that he left and I was alone with my tears again. _Is he as crushed as I am? Is he really sorry?_

No. I need to block these thoughts out. I don't care if he's sorry. I have to make myself stop caring. He didn't have to do what he did. But he did it. He chose to do it and now we're both dealing with the consiquences.


	17. Chapter 17

**PART SEVENTEEN**

I dragged myself to the living room, crashed on the sofa and started watching a cheap TV program. Soon enough the phone rang. It was Katelyn. I knew what she was going to say before I even answered. "Hi, Kate." I tried to make my voice sound as normal as I could. "Annie, Ben told me about Billie Joe. How're you doing?" A strike of pain crossed my body when she said his name. That's just about how I was doing. "I'm fine, Katie. Really." I heard her take a deep breath. "You suck at lying. I'm coming over." Before I could beg her not to come, she hung up. Damn, now I have to change my clothes and pretend I'm okay all afternoon. But I doubt I'll be able to hide things from Kate. She knows me too well for my own good.

I quickly changed into my favorite jeans and a Clash t-shirt, so that I looked at least a bit less dead. When the bell rang I slowly walked down the stairs and opened the door. Everything was going slowly and painfully for me today. Kate stood by the door with her head leaned to the right, inspecting my face from the second she could see me clearly. Then she gave me a comforting hug. I let my head rest on her shoulder and I felt tears in my eyes again. Haven't there been enough tears? Haven't I felt bad enough? I need to hold myself back. Kate's already worried enough as it is. "C'mon, let's get you back to normal." She practically did everything for me. Picked out my clothes, made us a snack, stocked me with some good CDs and everything else. After a while, we sat on my bed and chatted. It wasn't long before she got to the main subject on her list. "Annie, I know you feel terrible now and you think everything sucks. But I'm not gonna sit here and watch you waste your summer like this." I hated this conversation already. "Kate, maybe I just _want_ to waste my summer. It's not like I have anything to do or anywhere to go. I don't even know what I'm doing _after_ this summer. I have no idea what I want – is it college or is it California and driving around the States for the rest of my life? I don't know." Kate took my hand. "Annie, please. You have all of us. We could hang out more, just like we used to. And Ben… He likes you a lot." I stared when she mentioned Ben. "I know you guys want to make things easier for me, but right now I don't want anything like that from Ben or anyone else." She narrowed her eyes.

"If Armstrong would show up at your door right now, you'd be at his feet in the same second." Pain went through my body again and the tears I've been holding back broke out. I was breathing deep, trying not to have a panic attack. I saw regret in her eyes. "Ann, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." Tears were running down my cheeks and I was looking at my feet, avoiding Kate's eyes. "I love him." I whispered weakly. "It hurts like hell, but I do. I wish I could stop myself from feeling this way, but I can't. Despite what he did, I can't hate him. I can't even think of anything about him that I don't adore in some sick, twisted way that I can't even understand myself. But we…What we had…" It hurt to think of it in a pass tense. "It wasn't built to last. Anyone could see that, even you guys. And no matter how hard I tried to believe that it could work – I knew, somewhere in the back of my mind, that something like this was just around the corner." Kate put her hands on my shoulders. "Annie, I know you feel like crap right now and you wish he was here, but maybe this is for the best. You'll get through this and you're gonna have _fun _this summer with the rest of us. I promise you that."

I still doubted that, but I smiled, so she'd stop worrying. We went to the kitchen to make some pancakes, in hope of lifting the mood up a bit.


	18. Chapter 18

**PART EIGHTEEN**

Weeks flew by and soon it was mid-July. Things turned out pretty much the way Kate predicted. I spent a lot of time with my high school friends; Katelyn, Ben, Erica, Phillip, Samantha, Dave and Gary. We did a lot of insane stuff, laughed endlessly and simply enjoyed ourselves. I hardly had time to think of what happened at the beginning of the summer. The evenings were still the hardest for me – when everyone left reality sank in again and the pain wasn't gone. But as every evening went by there was less and less tears.

Saturday night - Sam, Kate, Erica and I were getting ready to go out. The boys are picking us up at eight thirty. "Annie, can I borrow your eye shadow?" Erica shouted from across the room. "Sure, it's in the box on the top shelf! Hey, where're we going tonight anyway?" Sam came running from the other room. "Ann, I think I just electrocuted a spider in your bathroom." We all bursted in laughter. "Oh, that was Speedy, my pet! You murdered him!" The laughing got even louder. "I still don't know where we're going." After we calmed down, Kate finally answered my question. "The guys said we're going to Rod's." Wow, Rod's. I haven't been there since… I shook my head to make those thoughts go away. "Oh. That's, um… Great."

After a while the guys came and we took Gary's car to Rod's. Kate sat with him in the front seat. Since they got together they couldn't spend much time without each other. They were adorable to watch. Sam and Phillip have been flirting for a while now, so have Dave and Erica. It seemed like everyone in our little group was finding someone. Ben was nice enough to give me my space. He knew I was back to normal now, but he also knew that I wasn't complete. He said he'd let me find my place – if it's with him he'll be glad, but if not, all he wants is me to be happy. I was eternally thankful to him for that.

Once we arrived at Rod's Gary stopped the car and everyone looked at me. I was confused. "What did I do?" They all smiled at my misinterpretation of things. "Just wanted to check something with you before we go in. If it's not cool with you we can go somewhere else." Shit, what happened now? "What is it, guys? You're making me nervous here." The others were smiling, but Ben got serious. "Annie, Green Day are playing tonight." At first it felt like a kick in the stomach. At first I wanted to run away and hide. But then I remembered the past days. Everything was better. I was me again. The pain was almost gone, only the memory still burned. I'm strong now. I don't care anymore. I can't _let myself_ care. "Yeah, so? They play here every Saturday. I knew." That was a lie. I mean, I _did_ know they have gigs every Saturday night, but I forgot. They all looked surprised, but in a good way. "Okay." They all said and we walked inside. "You sure you're okay with this?" I nodded and put a smile on my face. "Ben, seriously, I'm fine. Stop worrying and go have some fun, god damn it." The look of suspicion didn't leave his face. "Don't _you _wanna have some fun?" I wasn't in the mood for this conversation and I didn't want to end up in a fight with Ben, so I took his hand and dragged him off to where the others were. "Someone get this guy to smile!" Everyone smiled at _me_. "I think you're the only one that could do that, Annie." Gary was obviously proud of his statement and his content only grew when everyone giggled at my blushing cheeks. "Yeah, that's real funny guys. Fuckin' hilarious."

The band started playing. As soon as I heard his voice I couldn't think of anything else. I was completely concentrated on the music in less than a second. "Ann? You wanna go there and… Watch?" Ben looked at me with sorrow in his eyes. I didn't want to go and watch. I couldn't bare the sight of _him_ and I knew it. I let out a quiet 'No' and sat on one of the sofas around. I let the music take me away.

_Late last night I had a dream  
And she was in it again  
She and I were in the sky  
Flying hand in hand  
I woke up in a cold sweat  
Wishing she was by my side  
Praying that she'll dry the tears  
Left on my face I've cried_

Oh I love her  
Keep dreaming of her  
Will I understand  
If she wants to be my friend?

I'll send a letter to that girl  
Asking her to by my own  
But my pen is writing wrong  
So I'll say it in a song  
Oh I love you more right now  
More than I've ever loved before  
Hear those words straight from these lips  
I'll need you forever more

Oh I love her  
Keep dreaming of her  
Will I understand  
If she wants to be my friend?

Oh I love her  
Keep dreaming of her  
Will I understand  
If she wants to be my friend?

The means of pain that's in my heart...  
The means of pain that's in my heart...  
The means of pain that's in my heart...  
The means of pain that's in my heart...

Late last night I had a dream  
And she was in it again  
She and I were in the sky  
Flying hand in hand  
I woke up in a cold sweat  
Wishing she was by my side  
Praying that she'll dry the tears  
Left on my face I've cried

Oh I love her  
Keep dreaming of her  
Will I understand  
If she wants to be my friend?  


_Oh I love her  
Keep dreaming of her  
Will I understand  
If she wants to be my friend?_

The means of pain that's in my heart...  
The means of pain that's in my heart...  
The means of pain that's in my heart...  
The means of pain that's in my heart...

I didn't even notice my tears. But everyone else did, Ben included. "This is bullshit." He got up and walked out, obviously angry and hurt. His anger and pain made me feel even worse. "I'm sorry." My voice was weak with tears, but I wiped them away quickly. "Annie, it's alright. You can't choose the one you love. It takes time to let go, to forgive and forget. Ben's pissed right now, but he'll cool off. He cares about you." Kate and everyone else looked at me in sympathy. This is all my fault. I need to clean up the mess I've made. "I'm fixing this. Now." I stood up and went after my friend.

I found him outside, in the back, staring into nowhere. "Benny, let's talk." He didn't look at me. "What is there to talk about?" The tone of his voice was formal and showed no feelings. "Us." Now he finally looked in my eyes. "There is no _us_, Ann, you've made that clear enough." Every word hurt like a thousand needles. "Ben, I love you. You're one of my best friends. It's not that I don't care, it's just…" He shook his head. "I _get it_, okay? You care about me, but that's all there is. You love _him_ regardless of what he did to you. He hurts you, but you'd still do anything for him. I'd never, _ever _do anything to hurt you, but friendship's all I get." What he said awoke anger inside me. "Look, Ben, I can't force myself to feel something I don't. If being my friend isn't enough for you, then maybe we shouldn't be friends." I turned around and began to walk away, but he came after me, held me by the shoulders and turned me back. "Annie, I'm sorry." His hands went down my arms and he held my hand. "It's just that I'm so _jealous_ of this guy. I mean, he's been talking to you for what – two months and a half? And regardless of that, you have feelings for him that are as deep as the god damn Pacific Ocean. We – we've known each other for more than four years now and I've been in love with you for 99% of that time. Still, you see me just as a friend. That's why I think this whole thing's fucked up. Can you at least understand me a little bit?"

I looked in his eyes, trying to understand what he told me. Before I could say anything, he kissed me. He seemed calm, but my heart was speeding. As soon as I knew what was going on, I pushed him away. "I can't do this." I walked away as fast as I could, hoping he wouldn't talk to me or try to make me stay – and he didn't. I wasn't sad because of what happened. I was angry, shocked. When I came to the parking lot, a familiar voice called my name. I turned around and saw Tre standing not far away from me. "Tre!" You couldn't help but smile at the sight of the short, green-haired drummer. "How 'ya been?" I hoped this wasn't going to be one of those conversations I had with Mike the day after _it happened_. "Pretty well. I don't mind the spare time since high school's over and done with. How 'bout you?" His bright smile made me happy too. Happiness is contagious. "Same old, I guess. With the band and all… We actually got _signed_, you know! We're in recording studios now!" So they finally did it. All the gigs must've led up to someone important noticing their talent and love for music. "_Wow_, Tre! That's freakin' amazing! Congratulations, I'm glad you're making a record. That's really awesome." I wasn't just being polite. I was really happy for him. For them. "Thanks. We're pretty pumped too. None of us actually expected this to happen." You could see the spark in his eyes when he talked about the band. It was obviously all he wanted to do with his life. "Well, I'm not surprised. You were great tonight, by the way. I should get going. Bye, Tre."

"Bye, Annie. See 'ya around." We both turned our way and I stepped on the sidewalk to get home. Suddenly I remembered there was something I wanted to say. "Oh, and, um, Tre?" He turned at me again. "Yeah?" I needed a moment to choose my words. "Thanks for not mentioning… Y'know." He smiled, like he knew what I was going to say. "It's not really any of my business. I'm just gonna say that he's the one that needs to grow some balls and talk to you."

With that he walked away, leaving me with my own thoughts.

**NOTE: **This is the final chapter. There will be a sequel; I'm already working on it.

Special thanks to **Asja**, **Eva**, **Anja 'Loca'**, **Anja 'Anča'** and everyone else who read this one.


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